Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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