i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
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