Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
