Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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