When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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