My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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