Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
