I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
