She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
