I wish my penis had an off switch
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
i dont even know how to be here
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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