I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
where does the pee come out of this thing
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
