I'm really into asian looking animals
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize