But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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