is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
