Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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