well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
