WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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