i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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