CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
