i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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