Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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