you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize