The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
