The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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