Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
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