Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
