I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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