That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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