Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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