Whod you bang
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
