Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
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