Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
