Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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