Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
