You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
