I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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