The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
