Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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