Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
