I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
