explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
