I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Randomize
