glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
