yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
