I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
