am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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