She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
