I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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