i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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