you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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