Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
