The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
