I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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