U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
