I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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