3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
