what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
My feet surprised me
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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