we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize