Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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