Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
