Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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