is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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