So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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