He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
