Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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