He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Randomize
