i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize