She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize
