I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
