Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
