I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
