if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
