loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
