My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
