girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
love makes seman taste better
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize