I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
