If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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