i need an iv and a liver transplant
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
You made out with two different species that night
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
