shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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