i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
