you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
