..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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