remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
