i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
