are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
