Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
