You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I party with great urgency now.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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