What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
