Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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