Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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