Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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