Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize