um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
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