we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
