I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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