you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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