Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
