Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
