i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Non-Jews are for practice
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
